When the make-up is gone

Standing in front of the mirror, I pinch at the skin and pull it away from my stomach. I stand up a little taller. Slowly, I turn from side-to-side. Then I ask my husband, “Does my stomach look bigger to you?” He seems dumbfounded, “I’ve never really looked at your stomach. You’re beautiful.” At first, I don’t quite understand. How could he have not been examining my flaws, when I had just spent the last few minutes doing so? He loves me for me. It’s difficult to even comprehend that kind of love. Although, I love him unconditionally for being him, I struggle to understand his love for me.
I often forget where my value comes from. Sure, I could explain theologically, how Jesus loves us so much and he gives us our identities and our values. But do I live in a way that reflects that belief? Why do I obsess about my physique? Where did I get the idea that beauty or value is found in that? Why don’t I live out my husband’s often spoken words? “I fell in love with your heart.” Why do I desire to be thought of as “hot?” Where did my misconstrued thoughts come from? Let’s stop this cycle of self-deprecating thoughts.
Let us aim to understand our father’s love for us. Let us redefine beauty.
Marriage has revealed many insecurities in me. It is so strange. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and cares for me deeply. But my own thoughts are my enemy.
As you stand in front of the mirror and begin to look for your flaws, stop! The Lord God made you and loves you for you. Say a prayer for yourself and all the women out there who need the same prayer.