Crunching beneath my feet, another leaf reminds me of the beautiful season at hand. As I drive the winding roads home, I neglect to really appreciate the mystery before me. I am not breathing deep. Tears cloud my vision. Every once in awhile I let out a frustrated scream. Being so focused on the stress of work, I have missed opportunities to savor this glorious season. Because I have been so focused on the hardships of teaching, I’ve missed its beauty as well.
Sometimes it is necessary to stop, take a deep breath and smell the autumn leaves. I find myself using this weekend as a chance to refresh and refocus. In the process of refreshing there are some things I must let go of. My mom reminds me often that when I was little girl coming home from school, I would always share the negative first and then would embrace the good from the day. I still function this way. Here is my list of “let it go” and confessions:
1. Teaching is really hard when students come from broken homes. It’s really difficult when they don’t want to be there. It’s really challenging when they don’t pay attention. But it’s the hardest when students just don’t care.
2. Even though, it’s hard to teach, I know it’s my job to motivate my students to care.
3. Sometimes I’m not motivated. I’m burnt out. I am emotionally spent.
4. I cannot change anyone.
5. It bothers me that education has become some political.
6. Sometimes my voice will not be heard.
7. I am concerned that students will feel like failures under this new system.
8. I cannot make everyone happy.
9. I wish that I could.
10. I wish that students/parents saw the tears we’ve cried over them, knew how often they fill our prayers, and could comprehend the hopes we have for them.
Now that I’ve let go, I’ve learned some simple lessons this week.
1. An encouraging word goes a long way.
2. Choosing to be positive will influence how your day carries out.
3. Coffee still cures much of the world’s negativity.
4. One’s kindness should not be dictated by others’ actions.
5. Good neighbors remember your name.
6. The quiet is good.
8. Every once in awhile you do change a kid’s life.
9. It’s important to let go of things that we cannot change.
10. Remember to love with a divine kind of love.
And now I sit pondering these lessons, hoping that they sink in. I began this blog when my dad passed away. Over the years, I’ve found that writing is very much an outlet for me. It helps me process and allows me to really breathe. In the midst of stress it is important to breathe and appreciate the season that I am in.
lucifield 